the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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