I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
