ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
