Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
