I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
