it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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