I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
