ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
