I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
