Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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