She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
