I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sarcasm needs its own font
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
