I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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