plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize