Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
