I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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