shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
sex in a hospital.. check
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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