i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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