Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
