OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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