So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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