Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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