I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
