Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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