Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
