we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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