he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
