My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
