I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
