a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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