ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
