I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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