dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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