home. puking in laundry basket.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So much rum. So many feels.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
