dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
