coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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