I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
