Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
