I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
