Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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