i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
