Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
