You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
