This is not my ceiling
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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