i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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