So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
