I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
