sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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