So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize