I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
