Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
