It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
