fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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