I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
