glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
