If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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