I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm at about main and main street
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
