She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
