On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
