His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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