Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
