If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
