tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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