the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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