I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
