Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
