You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
