Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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