I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
