is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
