I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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