Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
