How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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