Jerry, you need to find god
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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