every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am available for nakedness
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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