The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
